Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Food Allergy Foodies

"Is it all clear? Are they gone?" He looks out the window, shrinking back behind the curtain.

"Yeah, they're pulling out of the driveway RIGHT now."
"No, but are they GONE?!"

"I said yes! What, are you paranoid now?"

"I just don't want them to come back and catch us." They look at each other, not believing that they are going to try to get away with this. They are adults, they are parents, how could they stoop to doing something so low? The husband hugs his wife and she stares ahead.

"Is it pure?"

"Yes," her husband assures her "The guy assured me it was pure, nothing else added."

"But what if something happens?" Her eyes are large and filled with concern.

"Nothing will happen. I told you, I will take care of you. Don't you trust me?"

"I do, I guess." She lets out a sigh and they start to lay everything out in front of them. The smell is unbelievably addictive and tantalizing. Her husband takes a deep sniff.

"God!" he yells, filling his lungs with the smell of it "I forgot how good this stuff just smells!"

"Well don't hog it all, leave some for me! You are not the only one going through withdrawal!"

"Age before beauty, honey, age before beauty." His wife smacks him and glares at him.

"It's beauty BEFORE age! What kind of husband are you anyway? What kind of support are you showing me here? I am freaking out!" He reaches over to her.

"Relax, honey. It will be fine. It'll all be fine. Just take a deep breath, relax and try some, you'll feel better. I promise."

"All right, ok..I'm going to try it."

"Here, your doing it wrong," her husband says, grabbing it out of her hands "Here, you have to cut it up really small to get the full effect."

"Well how am I supposed to remember when we haven't had it in so many years? What are you, an expert now?" She looks at him. Then, she realizes what's been going on this whole time. His eyes grow large because she knows what he's been doing behind her back without her. She looks at him, horrified.

"No, please tell me you haven't! Please tell me this whole time you haven't had this without me!"

"Maybe, just every once in awhile," he stammers.

"How could you?! I thought we were in this together! Why am I always the one sacrificing for our family and you- YOU go out and enjoy yourself whenever you want too!"

"I'm sorry, honey, I was weak! I needed it! I couldn't take it anymore! I was out with the guys and someone else had some and they offered it to me and just said yes. What was I supposed to do?"

"What were you supposed to do? How about think about what could have happened if you were to bring something like that home to your family? Did you even once consider what could have happened if your children had been exposed to it? Did you?" Her eyes were filling up with disbelief.

"I know, I know, I know!" he started to yell "I know! I couldn't help it!"
Shaking her head, his wife reminded him "We could have been right back in the Emergency Room again! Calling 911, dealing with all of the possible side effects and the dangers that come with it!"

"I'm sorry, I said I was sorry! Here, take it all, I don't want any of it... just take it and keep it away from me to keep the kids safe!" He pushed it toward his wife. She looked at it carefully.

"What, and waste it? Seriously? No!" she said, shoving it into her mouth, chewing and swallowing as fast as she could.

"What are you doing?" asked her husband.

"I'm getting rid of the evidence, that's what! I don't want the children to now that we had this. I am so ashamed..just so ashamed! What has happened to us? When did we turn into these people?"

"Wait! Shhh!!!" motions her husband and he turns off the radio. "I heard something!" She laughs at him.

"Now you are the one who is paranoid."

"No, I mean it! I heard something! Didn't you hear it to?"

"Crap, yes! Oh my God, we have to clean this up! We have to get rid of it and clean it all up!"

"Where is the sponge?"

"No!" she screams "You can't use the sponge, it will just smear!! Get the Lysol wipes! Hurry up!"
Just then, the door flies open and their children come running in, followed by their Grandparents.

"Sorry, they forgot their-"the kids step forward.

"Mom, Dad? Is that cake?"

Dedicated to all of the food allergy parents out there that continue to crave the forbidden foods that can no longer enter their homes. Your secret is safe with me!



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