Are there dishes in heaven? I don't mean to be disrespectful or question the reason my life has turned out the way it has. It's just, well, a good day for a food allergy mom is when I only have to run the dishwasher twice or when I find Benadryl pre-measured doses with a coupon. My life is filled with multiple prescriptions, dealing with school activities that always feel the need to use food as a reward and people who question the validity of my child's allergies. I know the usual thought is that you only give as much as I can handle but some days, God, I almost feel as if you are trying to make me quit altogether. I mean, how many times do I have to sit and watch my son be excluded from surprise cupcakes because nobody called to let us know ahead of time and how many times can I console my son when he tells me that he wishes he could stay over someones house like a normal kid?
And how is it that you have given him more strength than me? So many times, he has told me about being teased because of his fanny pack and how he chooses to ignore those people. But how do I, as a mom, contain my feelings of anger and frustration and downright hopelessness that for now, there is no other way for him to be safe? I want to lock him away from all of the cruel people of the world and keep him safe forever and ever.
And as a wife, how do I not argue and get mad when my own husband asks why our son has to have his Epipen and inhaler with him at all times? Really, really God? You were there with us when we exchanged our vows and when we welcomed our children into this world so how is this even a conversation that I need to keep having?
And sleep, did I mention sleep? Will there ever be a time when I will be able to sleep without checking on him in the middle of the night when pollen season is bad? Will I ever not wonder what will happen when he starts dating or when he gets to High School? Or college, what about college?!...does he have to go? He won't be safe. Or, maybe, I won't be able to control his safety, he will have too.
So God, I guess I am just asking you to listen so that I can figure this out on my own. Please give me patience with myself and for other people. Let me stay open-minded and ask others to do the same for our family, especially those who don't understand. Please watch over us and make sure that my son doesn't decide to eat something just to see what happens. And some day, maybe someday, send us a cure for food allergies so that you will have more thankful prayers rather than questions.
Oh, and God, are there dishes in Heaven?