Let's Talk About the "C Word"

Most of our lives, we are told what is deemed appropriate to do/think/act/say. From a very young age, we are taught what the correct behavior is, what is expected of you by others even when you want something different and (dare I say) we are guilted if we try to bend those rules. Don't use that type of language. Don't behave like that in public. Don't wear those clothes and don't wear too much glitter. You are taught that everyday life means getting up at a certain time, eating meals at a certain time, getting married and having children by a certain time... so much of life is spent trying to appease other people. So much effort and energy doing things for everyone else but how often do you do what you truly need for yourself? It's selfish to do what you need to do for yourself. If we are lucky, we will at least try to see what happens when we push the boundaries and open up the envelope that says "Do not open". 

When we begin to dip our toe into the edge of that pond, the ripples start small. Your toe tingles at the
touch of the softness of the water and the calm of the top while the ripples expand. It's as if your silent wishes are spreading into the future for you. Just you and the Universe, with no barriers or excuses. Imagine feeling that there is nothing stopping you from living the life that you want to live. Or better yet, imagine finding someone that took your hand and did it all with you. Is it a wish? Is it a dream? No, it can be reality and it is my reality. 

Chivalry

Ooooh, you thought I was going to use the other C Word! Well - we can definitely be friends then (LOL) but this is something that needs to be said.  It's 2024 and all of my life, I have been told to be a strong woman, an independent woman, a woman who can do without anyone or anything. That to ask for help or accept help is showing weakness. That by allowing a man to take extra time and consideration for me is lowering my abilities as a woman. For 48 years, I believed this. And for 48 years, I wound up doing everything myself.... this is not ok. This is how strong women turn into bitter women. This is how your heart closes up and the key is buried deep in the middle of that ripple pond where only you can see it. What happens then? You lead a long , strong, independent life ALONE and SAD and UNFULFILLED. I bet many of you are reading this, shaking your head, saying "What?!" Let me explain and then let it sink in. 

Who else thinks of dragons and castles and fights to the death when you hear chivalry? (hand raised) but also, it's perspective. The definition of chivalry is the combination of qualities expected of an ideal knight, especially courage, honor, courtesy, justice and a readiness to help the weak. Now, before you start finger-pointing and saying "I told you so" let me explain some more. Chivalry is not dead and it is not something that can be found very easily. My husband is the epitome of chivalry- loving and kind but would slay a dragon if it so much as tried to breath too close to me. This is my life- is it yours as well?

• He opens every door for me, every single time (and if i try to open it, he tells me to close it again so that he can open it for me). Yes, I can open my own damn door and no, I am not beneath opening my own door. It's the fact that I have found someone who insists on doing it for me because he thinks so highly of me. Perspective. Do you think this makes me look like a weaker, less independent woman? I feel it's the opposite. His belief of me makes me feel very, very empowered and, quite frankly, a bit badass.
  
• He takes the time to let me know that he appreciates me Is this necessary? I would almost say no but yes, it is very necessary but it is also very necessary to reciprocate it to him too. It doesn't matter if it's as simple as The house is always so clean and you always make sure that our home feels cozy- it's the effort that he is showing. The effort is both uplifting and freaking sexy as Hell (real men put in time and effort). 
• He makes sure that we have a Date Night every week Yes, every Thursday is Date Night (we met on a Thursday). It doesn't matter if it's cooking together in the kitchen with music, him cooking for me while I sit and just swoon, going out or watching tv in our comfy clothes- Date Night is our time to stay connected. It's our time to appreciate our time which may be confusing to some, since we are already together so much but it is necessary and not selfish at all.
• He allows me not to think OK, before you get your panties in a wad, let's talk about this. Circling back to being a strong, independent woman who winds up doing everything.. EVERYTHING. That sounds so great on paper but in reality, it's a freaking nightmare. It is not healthy, it is not strong, it is not even independent. It is mentally cruel to do that to yourself. Choose your worst scenario situation that you handled because you had to and you had to do it alone. Now take that same situation- the same feelings of struggling to do the right thing, to get whatever it is taken care of to survive and move on and trying to move forward but still struggling because you now have that and your 48 hundred other things that also need to be handled by you and imagine someone taking your hand and telling you that they will handle it for you. That you have done enough thinking for today or even for an hour, or a minute. It is very much a situation that I never had before but would not want to lose it ever again. From overthinking to calm in minutes- when was the last time that you could do that?

Why am I sharing this? A. because I am definitely grateful for my husband, Sean and still pinching myself to make sure that he is real and B. I don't want anyone to put a hold on their life for anyone. Please, if you do anything, read it again     DO NOT PUT YOUR LIFE ON HOLD FOR ANYONE.

You are worth every single second that should be spent on you. You are worth being doted on. You are still a strong person if there is someone else in your life that is doing things for you and you are definitely worth not having to say that you wished you had done things differently in life. 

- Love and accept other people but more importantly, love and accept yourself -