Nothing Else Matters- Go Hug Your Child

Admittedly, I have been in this whole weird space trying to figure out where my life needs to go right now. What used to bring me passion has been put on pause. I am a person who believes everything happens for a reason, even if it does not make sense at the time that it is happening. One of my lifelong passions has been writing. I have written since I was in second grade. It is an outlet, it gives me a voice and if you are a subscriber, you have noticed that my blog articles have thinned out compared to how much I used to write. 

When I am lacking in my life, I ask the Universe for help. Hokey? Maybe but there is no shame in asking when you need it. The only thing that I need to remember is to ask for very specific things otherwise you may regret what you asked for. And as I mentioned, my writing has been so much less than the amount that I used to write and that bothers me. I asked for help- I asked for motivation to write. Unfortunately, my reason for writing today was not at all what I imagined would have been my motivation.

This afternoon, my daughter texted me from school. She told me that there had been a shooting at a school nearby and the rumor was that the shooter was planning on going to two more schools as well. This was followed by an automated message from the school claiming there was an "incident" and that it was under control. Then another text from my daughter stating her school may be going into lockdown. I told her I was coming to get her, she told me not to. My mind went into overdrive and I did not care if I was overreacting; I am a parent, I protect my children. 

When I got to her school, a handful of parents were already trying to sign their children out and discussing what they had heard about the shooting. Then a parent claimed there was an incident at another school (just as my daughter had told me was rumored to be happening) and they began to lock the school doors in front of us, telling is to leave. Parents began to argue, they wanted to be with their children, they were already signed out, how could they just leave?! There were Sheriff Office team members there telling us they could not do anything, that we had to leave. In the midst of this, my mother called me and asked "Do you have her?" I began to cry and loudly ramble "They are locking the doors, they won't let her out and they won't let me in. I can't leave her." My mother couldn't understand me. I got louder and began cursing at the men at the door "Are you effing kidding me? I'm not leaving without my daughter! If you can't let her out, then let me in!" They would not open the doors. More parents began to get loud too and words were flying out of my mouth as I had this horrible memory of a very heart-wrenching film that I watched with my daughter called If Anything Happens I Love You. (If you have not seen it, you must but be prepared as it will literally make you sob). I essentially became the mom in the well known scene in Terms of Endearment and I just kept repeating the same thing "Are you effing kidding me! Let me be with my daughter! I'm not leaving her here!" 

For those of you too young to know what I am talking about, this is pretty much how I felt I must have looked like outside of the school (thank you school administrators and local sheriff for not arresting me)

Then, they grew a heart. They rushed us in quickly and told us where to stay and not to move. I posted on my Instagram page asking for prayers... I didn't know what would happen and I needed to stay in touch with other people to try to stay sane. I was contacted by Christopher Eberhart, a writer for Daily Mail.com who began asking me where I was, the situation, how everything was going. And although it may have seemed like odd timing to communicate with a journalist, his messages were also keeping me informed from outside of the situation, which calmed me. I want to thank him for unknowingly keeping me calm and informed so that I didn't panic as much as I could have. I had minimal contact with my daughter but she said she was ok and I watched as the school administrator kept checking to make sure the doors were locked. 

In between, there was whispering and phones pinging with notifications. Then group huddles with school staff and police. After two hours, it was deemed safe to begin to let the children out. I was instructed to have my daughter meet me at my car. In the middle of the mad rush for everyone to leave abruptly, I waited for her to appear. I still had a fear as I watched all of these people pouring out of school and held my breath, hoping there was no shooter in the area. I made her hug me in the parking lot of the high school, in front of her friends and the traffic and everything else going on. Because at that moment, nothing else mattered. Nothing. Not the little stupid things I was worrying about, not whatever may have not gone my way recently- nothing. Just hugging my child. 

This could have been so much worse for my child. It could have been so much worse for the other school students. It could have been my child shot. It wasn't and I am so very, very thankful that it was not. Perspective- today, my life was put into perspective.

I am saddened to share that the child who was shot passed away today. My heart goes out to the family as well as the staff and students at Mount Tabor High School who went through an ordeal that I cannot even begin to comprehend. 

This was the Universe reminding me of what truly is important. 

Remind yourself every single day.