I haven't been as consistent with my blogs as I was in the past. I know everyone says life gets in the way but for me, it truly did. I miss writing as this has been such a part of my life. Even as a child, I wrote poetry and my first book at age 12. But yes- life has gotten in the way of this part of what is so important to me. I had to take a step back. I had to figure out what was absolutely necessary during a HUGE shift in my life but I am so very proud of this shift. I (try) not to share too much on a personal level because I don't believe in airing my dirty laundry with everyone because, honestly, they have their own crap to worry about so why add mine to theirs? But tonight, I need to write about some of my crap. I need to get back into this part of my creative area that I have missed so dearly. All that I ask is that you read along and see if anything resonates with you.
Life Before COVID I got divorced after 22 years of marriage In case you missed it, I wrote about it back in February 2021 because I felt that sharing this side of being a food allergy mother was important. I was 30 pounds heavier and I watched as my family was torn apart, which included my allergic son staying with my ex husband (who took little to no interest in his allergy issues). This was THE most difficult decision of my life to make but it had to be done. When I asked NutriSon who he was staying with and he shared that it would not be me, I gulped back my tears and pride and told him that I support whatever his decision is. After all, NutriSon is (basically) an adult, his own being and as much I want to shelter him forever he has his entire life to see what he wants for himself. He was the purpose of me beginning Nutrimom and he will always be part of the purpose of why I live and breath, truly. But when food allergy moms are no longer the helicopter parent and begin to remember that they are more than just that mom, they begin to ask what is necessary to keep themselves alive and safe. And although my needs were not because of food allergies, I realized that self love and self safety are a must. They are not selfish. It is very important to remember who you are as your own person. You cannot be strong for others if you are not strong for yourself first.
Then, Well, COVID happened Like the rest of the entire world, my life imploded. I hoarded food, even extra safe foods for NutriSon in case he could not find any. I watched as my job as a Volunteer Manager disappeared and I panicked just a wee bit but we all did so no soapbox here. But it was truly eye-opening... a pandemic and as a food allergy mother, during this huge thing going on, I had little to no access to my son with food allergies. Yes, he is old enough to do what he needs to do to stay safe but with COVID numbers rising, people dying, food shortages... it added an awful, dark twist to life as a food allergy mother who already worried that she would some day get that phone call of "I'm calling about your son". My job crumpled, my clinical partnership crumbled, I sat in car lines for free boxes of food because I wasn't sure if I would need it or not and I melted into my new life of constant fear of not having food, not having money, getting sick and or dying and leaving my children which seemed to spill into every aspect of my everyday life for days, weeks, months... you all understand. So, although I desperately needed and wanted to write, merely surviving was my priority.
Then Life Got Busy I began a retail job working 6 days a week because that's all that I could find and I was/am grateful to have that. I tried to maintain Nutrimom because that little voice inside of me screamed Don't give it up. But tiredness set in and as much as my brain kept telling me to reinvent myself, fatigue stomped everything into dust not allowing me to do anything but maintain on a daily basis. And I was still grateful for that. Some people were not able to do that. Some people had no home, no safe foods...some people died. So, I was grateful. I am not a religious person per say but I do believe there is something there that has our back. I believe that asking for help is not a weakness and is acceptable as long as it is not overused and abused. When I finally broke down and "asked for help" asked for a sign on what to do next I received an email from Mend Hunger asking if I would be a part of their team as Account Manager. Again, I was grateful and still am! I have known this organization since ... I truly don't know when and to watch how they have become what they are today and ask to be a part of it humbles me. I want to help, I need to help so this helped me exhale a bit as well. This was followed by an offer to become a staff member of MenuTrinfo for Social Media and Marketing- a company that is also based around helping keep people with food allergies safe. Yes please and thank you! That is all that I can say.... and that I am grateful.
- I am grateful that NutriDaughter chose to stay with me
- I am grateful that NutriSon is still alive and well despite my fears
- I am grateful for the sound of my wind chimes when the wind is blowing
- I am grateful that I can sip coffee (decaf) on the back of my deck and feel peaceful
- I am grateful that I had the strength to move forward because I knew I had too
- I am grateful that I still have so many friends, family and professional connections
- I am grateful that the smallest things make me happy
- I am grateful that I am finding myself again
- I am grateful that the need to help others inside of me never dies
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